


night shift

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Meteorstuck, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Requited Love, Slight Internalized Homophobia, also not too important but mentioned once or twice, bro is only mentioned and not really that important, not proof read, they don't get together but theyre OBVIOUSLY crushing djbfsdhbf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23343976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: dave and karkat talk about their feelings
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam (implied)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	night shift

**Author's Note:**

> cw: mentions of blood, bro strider and underage drinking 
> 
> (its dave and karkat, you kinda have to expect cursing ashjfhdbf)
> 
> title insp: night shift by lucy dacus

your name is dave strider and you haven’t seen karkat in days.

you understand that hey, everyone needs their personal space! you and karkat have been practically joined at the hip after you both got over your (kinda irrational) hatred of each other about a half a year after your trip on the meteor began. you both had taken day or two breaks from can town assembly and movie nights every now and then, because two people can only tolerate each other for so long. 

but its been almost a week (6 days and 12 hours since they last talked, to be exact) and theres been no sign of karkat. any other day, you would have shrugged it off and dealt with it a bit better. but during your last movie night, you might have been a *tad bit* buzzed, thanks to some wine rose had happened to alchemize. and of course, past you decided it would be a great idea to drink and then try and get your cuddle on with karkat (newsflash: bad idea. *awful* idea). 

at the time, karkat didn’t even seem to mind, and you don’t even really remember if you said anything to him or *what* you said, but it freaked karkat out enough to not talk to you for this long (ok, so maybe you were a *lot* buzzed, because you can barely remember what happened or what came out of your mouth, other than karkat was *really* warm, and-).

ok, you’re gonna stop that train of thought *right* there. there’s no need to dwell on what could have been if you weren’t an *idiot* and ruined a pretty solid broship. (now you’re just being overdramatic. calm the fuck down, strider).

you have to admit, holing up and not talking to anyone has taken a toll on how you’ve been feeling, lately. rose and kanaya have both tried to figure out why you and karkat both haven’t left your respective areas in a week, but you just blocked them and ignored them. you don’t know why you thought it would be a good idea to block everyone out while you're feeling self-destructive and lonely as hell, but hey; youve been through worse. your entire life was sat in solitude, other than talking to your online friends and hoping that notes tacked to your door and the puppets would stop coming. 

you take a deep breath and *once again* cut off your chain of thought. you would spit some fat rhymes, but the only thing you’d be able to churn out is some lovesick bullshit- not even rhymes, just stupid, non-rhyming poetry that makes no sense. you don’t mind a good songwriting sesh every now and then, but writing a love song is the *last* thing you want to do right now.

so naturally, you uncaptchalogue your turntables, place them and yourself on the floor, and pull a pair of headphones over your ears. and what do you do?

you write a really fucking sappy love song.

==>

you are now karkat vantas, and shit. you fucked up ***big time***.

well, you mean, it can’t be *all* your fault. you just flipped out over nothing, surely, but dave calling you a pet name *one too many times* can be just enough to short circuit your brain. and maybe dave complimenting your *red* eyes or your *red* cheeks made your blood-pusher flutter in ways you couldn’t really understand. you really did hate the color red, but with this stupid, fleshy, *red* human snuggled against you, it felt…

ugh! okay, fine! it felt amazing to feel like you weren’t a fuck up for once. but at the same time, it felt *so* wrong, because you only just recently realized dave was talking out of his ass because he was *drunk*. he probably didnt mean anything he had said, which took that elated feeling you had and fucking ruined it. you spent sweeps training yourself to stop blushing and conceal any vein or patch of red on your skin, and you let yourself be vulnerable in front of the wrong person.

youve been vulnerable with dave multiple times before, but he never really expressed just how he felt about you being a mutant. but since he was drunk when he finally told you, that either means…

he was lying about it, since he was wasted  
or  
you're over reacting over nothing

part of you hopes you're not over reacting, because if you are, that means youve just been ignoring your best friend for who knows how long (dave would probably know, since hes a knight of time, and all that fun shit). you take a deep breath and wipe at the red tears tracking down your face. what if you *are* over reacting? that *once again* makes you the fuck-up asshole that cant keep a good friend for more than a sweep (pushing people away seems to be your specialty, afterall). and if you're over reacting, what he said could have been true…

you wipe your cheeks again with the sleeve of your sweater, and stare at the red tears staining the fleece. theres no way he could actually *like* your red blood. no one does, not even yourself. maybe terezi did, but her opinion on you doesn’t really matter anymore since you havent talked in perigrees after she ran off with vriska. and plus, she has some sort of red fetish, so she didnt really understand the weight of your mutation and how much of a disappointment it made you.

as another round of self-deprecating tears started to run down your face, your husktop pings next to you. you groan and wipe your face again, picking it up from the table next to your bed and set it on your lap.

turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  


TG: hey so uh  
TG: karkat  
TG: my bro  
TG: homie  
TG: brother from another mother  
TG: wait that wouldnt make sense since you and i didn't have mothers  
TG: and i dont think trolls have siblings  
TG: ok scratch that nevermind  
TG: im gonna cut my bullshit short  
TG: cut to the chase yknow  
TG: um  
TG: can we talk  
TG: like i totally understand if you dont wanna but  
TG: actually im just gonnna stop right there so uh  
TG: ill be in my room  


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  


you take a second to try and process why dave is reaching out to you, and why he thought you wouldn’t want to. *you* were the one that fucked up, afterall! 

you close your husktop before promptly opening it again and deciding to pester rose. if anyone knew what the hell dave wanted, it had to be her.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  


CG: ROSE?  
CG: I HAVE A QUESTION.  
TT: Oh Karkat  
TT: You Finally Decided To Stop Neglecting Your Peers  
CG: KANAYA?  
TT: I Typically Would Like To Talk To You About This But I Am Already Most Certain Why Both You And Dave Have Been Avoiding All Contact With Others  
CG: LOOK, I'M SORRY.  
CG: BUT I KIND OF NEED HELP AND CALLING ME OUT ON MY BULLSHIT ISN'T HELPING SHIT.  
TT: Okay I Suppose  
TT: What Do You Need  
CG: IS ROSE THERE? I NEED TO TALK TO THE BOTH OF YOU.  
TT: Yes But She Is  
TT: Um  
TT: Under The Influence  
CG: OH.  
TT: But She Isnt Too Badly Intoxicated  
TT: If You Would Like To Talk To Both Of Us Just Tell Me What Is Wrong And Ill Translate To Rose  
CG: OKAY. SO, DO EITHER OF YOU KNOW WHY DAVE IS TRYING TO TALK TO ME?  
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, I FUCKED IT UP. OUR-  
CG: FRIENDSHIP  
CG: OR WHATEVER, I GUESS.  
CG: DAVE SAID SOMETHING BUT SINCE HE WAS DRUNK I THOUGHT HE WAS LYING BUT NOW I'M PRETTY SURE HE WASN'T LYING? AND I'VE BEEN IGNORING HIM BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE SECRETLY FUCKING HATED ME FOR MY BLOOD.  
CG: BUT I'M PRETTY SURE HE WASN'T LYING.  
CG: AND THAT MAKES ME THE ASSHOLE WHO IGNORED HIM AFTER HE FUCKING COMPLIMENTED ME.  
CG: WHICH WOULDN'T BE SUCH A BIG DEAL IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT DAVE NEVER REALLY SPILLED HIS FUCKING FEELINGS LIKE THAT.  
CG: AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT HE FUCKING MEANT IT.  
CG: GOD, KANAYA, I FUCKED IT UP!!  
TT: Okay  
TT: So What Rose Is Telling Me  
TT: Is To "Stop being an insecure little bitch and talk to him."  
TT: Not The Most Subtle But She Does Have A Point  
CG: BUT WHY WOULD HE WANT TO TALK TO ME AFTER I FUCKED EVERYTHING OVER?  
TT: Perhaps He Feels As If He Did Something Wrong  
TT: One Cannot Be Certain Though Unless You Decide To Speak To Him  
TT: And In Roses Words  
TT: Stop Being A Little Bitch  
CG: ...  
CG: OKAY, I GUESS.  
CG: I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. THANK YOU.  
CG: (:B  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  


you take a deep breath and shut your husktop again, placing it in its spot next your bed. as much as youd love to ignore the anxiety in your stomach, it was like butterflies were trapped in your stomach and you just couldn’t shake the feeling. you threw your blanket off of your lap and stood up, wiping at your face one more time before going to the door. 

==>

you are now dave strider, and *shit*, are you nervous. things like this shouldnt bother you! you're cool as hell and confronting your best bro about your mistakes should be easy. but instead, you’ve stress-written a love song about your best friend and your stomach won’t stop twisting up on itself. 

you’re just about to start your second (totally not love) song when suddenly, theres a knock at your door. you loudly slam your laptop shut and captchalogue your turntables hastily before calling out ‘come in.’ 

you know, like a cool guy. 

karkat walks in and he looks like absolute *shit.* he looks like he hasnt slept in at least a day, and his eyes are puffy. you probably don’t look much better, but guilt pangs at your stomach anyways. you look away before you take a seat on your bed and pat the space next to you.

karkat sits down and the air between the both of you is thick. you have to say something, but what? ‘hey dude, sorry for macking up on you while i was totally wasted, my bad’? you really don’t want to come off as an absolute asshole during something serious.

“so- um,” you start. great going, real smooth and very cool. 

“im sorry!” karkat blurts out, and his hands are clutching your sheets like a lifeline.

you blink a few times before adding “wait. *you're* sorry? what did you do?”

he looks up at you with an incredulous expression, as if you're the one who didnt do anything wrong. “dave, ive been ignoring you for- i don’t know, the past few weeks, at least! i overreacted and acted like a fucking *wriggler*! what do you *mean* what did i do?”

your eyebrows pinch together in confusion as you try and figure out what the hell just happened and why karkat looks like hes about to burst at the seams. “dude, i- what? *ive* been ignoring *you* and said some shit that i shouldn’t have said. well i mean, there was a lot of things that went wrong- i probably shouldn’t have drank as much as i did, or at all tbh. that was pretty illegal on earth, but i dont think that really matters anymore. it wasnt even that good, i dont even know why-”

“dave!” karkat cuts you off, his nose scrunched up and his expression sour. “just- why did you say what you did? about my blood.”

you swallow and look away, trying your best to keep your hands still at your sides. you want to say something, but all your words get caught in your throat. you know this is a *really* bad time for your words to stay silent, but once again, what are you supposed to say? you only just came to the revelation that maybe liking both chicks *and* dudes wasn’t too bad, and all karkat has been exposed to is your ‘ironic’ flirting and your no homos and-

your thoughts get cut off by karkats expression falling before his eyebrows burrowed together. fuck, he looks angry, and not the cute banter kind- he genuinely looks pissed. shit, you fucked up *yet again* by getting caught up in your own thoughts.

“so you lied, is what im taking from your fucking ‘oh so enlightening’ silence! do you think this is funny, strider? to toruture some, i don’t know some pitiful mutant just because?!” karkat says through his teeth, and he sounds *pissed*. “i dont know if you fucking noticed, but lying to me about my blood and-”

“karkat, dude!” you exclaim and your knuckles are turning white as you grip your cape. “this shit isnt easy for me to say, *please* give me a second to explain myself.”

he looks at you with an expression you cant read. you thought karkat was just upset, but now his expression is changing a mile a minute, and its kind of hard to read the air of what he'd want you to say (even though just saying what he would want to hear will probably dig you into a deeper hole of asshole-ry).

you take a deep breath before you speak. “first of all, what i said was true. that was… my first time getting that drunk and i didnt really know how to handle myself, i guess? i mean, that was my first mistake, exposing myself to the general public after downing a few glasses of wine,” you chide with a small grin, in a desperate attempt to lighten the air before you drop another emotional-word bomb on karkat (it didn’t work. he still looks unamused).

“and- i know i can be an absolute asshole at times, but i wouldnt lie to you about something like that. especially when im drunk- i just spew anything that comes to mind and theres really no stopping it. that doesnt mean getting my snuggle on with my best bro was the best thing to do either, and im sorry for that too, i guess.” you look to the side before you continue. “and, i kinda understand what its like to, idk, be different, i dunno. i just-”

karkat cuts you off with an exasperated huff, and you look up to meet his gaze. “what do you *mean* different? fucking mutated? i cant fucking *stand* this fucking candy red running through my fucking veins. i dont think you truly grasp the situation that im a fucking mutant! a fuck up, a-”

you cut karkat off again by hesitantly grabbing karkats chin and forcing him to look at you. he gives you an angered look, but it doesnt really feel as hostile- just a wall (there were tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. that kinda hurt you to look at, especially when *you're* the one who made him cry). you take a deep breath and jam your eyes shut before pulling your shades off of the bridge of your nose and placing them on your bed. you let go off his chin when you're sure he wont look away and open your eyes, meeting his gaze. your faces are dangerously close, but at this point, you could barely care less (sure, your heart was beating like crazy, but that was pretty easy to ignore).

part of your subconscious is yelling at you that this is really *really* gay, and that voice kind of sounds like your bro. you lean back a little bit, biting your lip and trying your hardest to push thoughts of him out of your head. thats the last thing you needed right now. you were kind of waiting for karkat to say something, but he was silent.

you cleared your throat, and started to continue before karkat spoke. “it’s my color,” he says simply, staring at your eyes with so many emotions flashing over his face at once. karkat was so emotional and so readable, and part of you wishes you could be like that.

“i was- i was taught that everything i liked made me a- a fucking screw up. liking music other than shitty raps was gay, art was gay, photgraphy was gay, and i know you don’t really understand the whole homo thing but like- i actually do understand. no underlying irony, no asshole bullshit- i just,” you pause, taking a breath. *god,* bro would kill you if he heard this conversation. “i missed you, karkat. and i kinda fucked up and i understand if you dont forgive me for playing with your heart strings or whatever, but. not having you around hurts.”

you don’t know where *this* came from. you were planning on explaining yourself and possibly losing your best friend, but instead, you dont have your shades on and you're letting your feelings pour out of you. before you say anything you regret, you keep zip your mouth shut and reach for your shades, because *fuck* you feel so vulnerable. karkat reaches for your wrist, and you look up again to meet his gaze.

“you meant what you said?” he asked, not letting go of your wrist. you drop your shades back down on your bed and purse your lips together. 

“of course,” you reply, and you feel so, so vulnerable, but maybe that isn’t all that bad. “i could literally give less of a shit about your blood color, bro. but… we match.”

you look up at karkat and give him a genuine smile.

something breaks in his facade and he lets go of your wrist, lunging forward and pulling you into a hug. you don’t expect it, so you fall back into your bed and let out a surprised laugh/choking noise (it wasnt your best moment, you have to admit). 

“fuck you, strider,” karkat grumbles into your chest. “i missed you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> im back babey >:)
> 
> ok SO i kinda dropped off of the face of the earth for a good year, and i don't really have an excuse? ive just been really busy and kind of intended on leaving this account be lmao. but i kinda missed writing, so i wrote this to try and get back into writing again!
> 
> (for those of you who were reading my other fic, i might continue it, but i have no clue where im gonna take it?? ill figure it out, lol)
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading! kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!! <3
> 
> \- julie


End file.
